Earlier this year, my sister Michelle casually kicked a toy penguin out of her way while walking around her house, and her son Colby was unimpressed by this development.  So he ran off, drew a picture and posted it on the fridge to lay down the new rules of the house:

No Kicking Penguins

This picture was a big hit with everyone who saw it.  My brother Charlie tells the story thusly:

Michelle told us the story at Thanksgiving dinner at Donna’s – I then asked her to scan and e-mail the picture when she got home. I gave the electronic file to one of our graphic artists at The Telegram to clean up – the original appears to be pencil drawn on yellow paper (difficult to pick out). [The graphic artist] simply used software to turn it into black on white. Paula then used this file to make the t-shirt.

What you see above is the cleaned up version.  Here’s a picture of the original.  This shirt was given to Michelle for her birthday, here’s a pic of her wearing it on Christmas day..  The shirt was also a big hit.  (My brother Charlie points out the penguin in the drawing has clearly already been kicked, as his legs are flying forward from the motion.)  I happened to be home visiting when this took place, and as soon as I saw the shirt I thought “The Internet Must Know Of This!”

Upon my return home, I asked Paula to send me the scan.  Immediately, I posted it to Reddit.  Aside from a handful of weirdos and some people who think it’s faked or drawn by an adult, people generally recognized the awesome.  One redditor posted it on his fridge.  And today, I learn that “No Kicking Penguins” is now policy in Antarctica.  Also, The seals have been told!  As has anyone in the ocean!

I think this is simply wonderful.  I’ve set up a Cafe Press store here:

No Kicking Penguins

I don’t have any sort of official way to verify this, but I promise all proceeds from the sales that I get from Cafe Press will go to charity.  Until the end of January, that charity will be the Autism Society of America.  February will be the Autism Society of Newfoundland and Labrador.  March TBA.

And to the Internet, thanks!  You made Colby’s day!

Side note: If you’re the person who registered nokickingpenguins.com, get in touch with me, please.  Thanks!

Because, obviously, someone is going to try to do the exact same thing again.

This is simply ridiculous.  It does nothing to make travel safer, and does plenty to make it far more inconvenient.

I hold to the sensible yet controversial point of view that the response should have been a big fat nothing.  Security cannot catch everything, and people need to understand that.  If every action by some asshole with a religious or ideological grudge causes a disproportionate reaction, then we as a society are forced to give up all pretense of freedom and liberty to be “safe”.  Do you want to see magnetometers at shopping malls?   Do you want to submit to pat-down searches before entering your workplace?  Do you want to book a “flight plan” for your daily car trips?  Do you want to have your book purchases okayed by a screening agency?  All of these things are possible reactions to the next “terrorist attack”.

The irony, of course, is that these “failed” attacks are working quite well.  They are instilling a sense of fear and uneasiness in society, and are costing the “evil empire” millions upon millions of dollars.

Well, I’ve had enough.  I was planning a couple of overseas trips this year, but not anymore.  Instead of flying to Finland, I’m going to drive to Quebec City and take in the Winter Carnival.  Instead of flying to Moscow, I’m going to take a train to the coast and take a cruise.

Make no mistake, I’m not afraid to fly, I’m just tired of the B.S.  And the people of the country don’t seem to have the will, desire, or ability to effectively lobby against these asinine rules, so I’m doing my part to make the airlines lobby to change them.  I’m voting with my dollars and not feeding another penny into this system until they figure out how to stand up to useless rules and make flying something that approaches a good experience and not the hostile, accusatory, inconvenient mess that it is.

I’m writing this after spending my entire day yesterday either waiting to take off, or standing in line for hours to get a hotel room due to an industry and government that can’t get its head out of its ass long enough to understand what’s really happening.  So, perhaps I’m a bit jaded.   But, to the industry and government, I say this.  Stop making your reaction based on the pretense of “Well, we have to do something.”  Because no, you don’t.  Sometimes shit happens, and most of us get that.  Not everything is preventable, and the sooner everyone realizes that, the sooner we can go back to being a normal society.

In one sense, having the best thing you’ve ever done occur so early in your life might seem a bit anti-climactic.  I mean, isn’t it going to be all downhill from there?  Quite the contrary, I have led the most fortunate of existences since then, and it all traces back to 16 years ago today.  I’ve had the unmitigated pleasure of spending the last 16 years with my best friend, a great advisor, a rapier wit, my good luck charm, and the most beautiful person I know.

Pretty sweet deal, huh?

So, yeah, the best thing I ever did happened 16 years ago today, and that’s just fine by me.

Happy day, sweetie!

(BTW, I’m still impulsive and foolish.  Never give up those things.)

If you know in advance where you’ll be going, you’ve got two options for making your life easier:

• Option One: Preload your Google Maps cache

Before you go, fire up Google Maps and make sure it’s looking at the area you want.  Make sure you zoom up tight on the areas you’re going to visit, and have the walking or driving directions already displayed.  Then quit the app and don’t look again until you’re there.  If you’ve got an iPhone 3G or an iPod Touch with OS 3.0, your GPS will work and show you the little dot.  And a 3GS will show the compass heading.  Unfortunately, this trick only works once or twice before you need a data signal again, unless you’re staying in that small area.

• Option Two: Use screencaps!

I did this before my Europe trip.  I knew in each city, I would want walking directions from the train station to the hotel.  I knew where each was, so I fired up Google Maps and got walking directions.  Then, I stepped through them, and on each screen I pressed Home and Power briefly, which captures a picture of your screen to your photo album.  The result?

Very handy.  And I didn’t spend a dime on Data Roaming overseas.

Well, I mean, I get them — immortal dudes, sucking blood, pet peeves include garlic, wooden stakes, and sunlight — I just don’t get the appeal.  And by appeal, I specifically mean this weird romantic appeal that they seem to have with females.

I’ll come out right now and confess the obvious in telling you that I’m a geek, so I can completely understand the weird fanboyisms that I and those of my ilk have.  Star Trek was easily the coolest thing I’ve seen all year.  Last year, I was excited about Iron Man and the Dark Knight.  I got a kick out of 300, I loved the Lord of the Rings movies, and even though it was a horrible, horrible movie, I saw The Phantom Menace more times than I’ll admit to when sober.

So, yeah, I understand having a thing.  I just don’t get what it is with the ladies and their vampires.  I bring it up now because of all this Twilight stuff that’s getting the teenage girls all aflutter, but it’s hardly unique to this movie.  For years, the vampire has been this romantic figure, be it the Anne Rice novels or the old black and white movies where lady swoons so the caped immigrant can chow down on her jugular.

But what I don’t understand is why vampires.  I can explain all of my geek loves in pretty simple terms.

• Star Trek: What doesn’t it have?  Spaceships!  That fly in space!  Exploring worlds that have never been seen!  Bold and brash heroes brandishing their laser pistols against the enemy!  An optimistic future where everyone can succeed and there’s no race or class system.  Star Trek is a geekboy utopia where you get to blow stuff up once in a while.
• Superhero movies: Pure fantasy.  Every man dreams of being invincible, of being stronger than strong, of being admired.  It doesn’t matter if you have real superpowers like Spider-Man, or are just someone with really cool toys that make you nigh-invincible like Tony Stark or Bruce Wayne — who doesn’t want to be the hero?  And this extends to things like 300, the Bourne movies, and the Bond stories.  All about men not endowed with super powers, but keenly able to take advantage of their every sense and ability to appear to be able to do anything.
• Lord of the Rings: Magic!  Heroes with infallible aim with a sword and a bow (and my axe)!  Evil rings than can make you invisible!  A hidden and unknown king who knows how to kick ass when necessary!  These are things that many young boys dream of, and you don’t necessarily grow out of it.  Awesome is timeless!
• Star Wars: Take all of the above, and add magic ninjas with laser swords.  Dude.  Magic ninjas with laser swords!

Any man reading this is going to understand it.  They will nod.  And possibly say “Hell, yeah!” depending on present company.  We get this.

But Vampires?  Sure, I get the appeal to a guy: immortal superhuman cannibal monster!  It’s from that place that you get movies like Blade and Underworld.  Even The Lost Boys has a kickass vibe to it, despite the abundance of Coreys.

But I just don’t get Twilight.  I don’t get the female romanticism of the vampire.  What’s romantic about an immortal superhuman cannibal monster?

Meh, maybe I’ll never understand.  Maybe they think they can change him or something.

I’m just thankful I stopped getting bitten by vampires on Facebook.

Traffic was horrendous, so it took us about 2.5 hours to make our way around.  But we got to see all the sights we hadn’t yet seen, and had fun doing it.  I think I got a sunburn — it was windy up there on top, and I couldn’t wear my hat without it blowing off.

After the tour, we wandered down from Piccadilly Circus to Westminster Pier and hopped on a boat to Greenwich (a round trip boat tour is included in the bus ticket).  It was a nice relaxing ride on the Thames to Greenwich, but it was about 4:30 by the time we got there.  That meant many things were closing.

We wandered into town, and made our way slowly to the top of the hill with the Royal Observatory (where the Prime Meridian is marked).  We took some goofy pictures with each of us standing at 0.00° longitude, we wandered the museum looking at telescopes and other astronomy artifacts, and visited the gift shop.  For reasons I’m still not 100% clear on, I felt compelled to buy a pocket watch.  So now I have a neat pocket watch with the “Royal Observatory Greenwich” mark on it.  It’s very nice, and I quite like it.

We then wandered back into town and had a quick supper.  By the time we’d finished, we’d missed the last boat home, so we took the tube back.  I’m glad we did, the DLR line provides some great views of the newer parts of the city!  I also discovered a new favorite tube stop.

Previously, I’d decided Elephant and Castle was my favorite tube stop name.  It seemed nicely random to me.  But then I discovered Mudchute, and a new favorite was made!

We made our way back to to the Bree Louise so I could have a few more excellent ales at an excellent pub before we left this city.  The beer I fell in love with last night was already out!  They have such a turnover there — I think if I lived here, I’d have to go there every day to try the beers they get.

After a few pints, it was the Tube back to Victoria Station, and walk to the hotel.  As soon as I finish writing this little summary, I’m packing, since we have a rather early flight in the morning.  I expect we’ll be leaving the hotel around 5.

Before noon Chicago time, we’ll be back in the US, having spent 16 full days in Europe.  Pretty damned awesome, if you ask me.  And you didn’t ask me, but I’m pretending you did, because I’m the author and it’s my prerogative.  So there.

Good-bye, London!  We’ll miss you, but I’m sure we’ll be seeing you again.  Right after we visit Moscow, Rome, Milan, Vienna, Munich, Berlin, Helsinki, Reykjavik, Prague, Edinburgh, Stockholm, Oslo, and maybe Copenhagen.

‘Night, all!  Pics will be posted when I get back.

Finally posted the pics.

You’ll have to excuse me, I’m not at my best. I’ve been gone for a month, I’ve been drunk since I left.

These so-called vacations will soon be my death. I’m so sick from the drink, I need home for a rest…

Ahh, Spirit of the West, you wrote it well! I can’t believe it’s been over two weeks now since I left the fair city of Chicago. Make no mistake, we’re still having fun, and still checking out sights.

Today, we spent the afternoon at Westminster Abbey. At our stop in Belgium, meeting up with Pat in the Delrium Cafe, he made not of the fact that he had pretty much seen enough cathedrals. I can understand where he’s coming from — I think I’m museumed out at this point — but I’m glad we went to this cathedral.

The included audio tour is read by Jeremy Irons, so it’s like being led around the cathedral by a charming Brit with a fantastic voice whispering the details in your ear. I definitely recommend it.

The Abbey itself has a fantastic history, and you see so many tombs, memorials, and shrines, it’s impossible to recall them all without cheating. The ones that stand out in my mind are:

• Mary, Queen of Scots
• Elizabeth I
• Edward the Confessor
• Oliver Cromwell (sort of, since his body was, a few years after burial, removed, hanged, decapitated, drawn, and quartered.)
• William Shakespeare (memorial)
• Handel
• Sir Lawrence Olivier
• Sir Isaac Newton
• Charles Darwin
• Winston Churchill (memorial)
• Franklin Roosevelt (memorial)

I wonder how many anti-science zealots would be surprised and appalled that Charles Darwin is buried adjacent to an altar in a holy Christian cathedral.

After the tour, we braved the on-and-off rain, made our way up to a shopping district for tea, and so Tisha could check out some of the stores that aren’t in the US.  We had lunch/tea at Selfridges, then she did a little shopping while I wandered.

Following that, it was off to the pub.  We stopped in at the Doric Arch again, since we knew it had free WiFi and I could find the next pub from there.  The place was packed, due to the Ashes being shown.  No, it wasn’t a cremation, or anything, just the biennial Test Cricket contest between Great Britain and Australia.  And, I’ve tried very hard, but I still have no sweet clue what the hell is going on in a cricket match.  All I know is that there’s a ball, a wicket, and it takes days.

Still, we looked up and found the pub I’d read about earlier in the week, the Bree Louise.  This pub won the CAMRA (Campaign for Real Ales) pub of the year award for 2009/2010.  And rightfully so!

16 real ales, 11 of them gravity, 5 on pump!  8 ciders on cask!  Fortunately, or possibly unfortunately, I discovered my favorite beer there on my first pint!  I tried some others, but I kept coming back to Dark Star Old Chestnut.  Sooooo good.

We stayed for supper, then made our way back to Euston Station.  Unlike in the song above, the train journeyed south, taking us to Victoria Station, and a short walk to the hotel.

Love this city!

Our last day begins tomorrow.  I’ve no idea what we’re going to do, but the safe money is on some more beer.

‘Night!

Day 14 was a sedate one. The past few days were so full and so tiring, we gave ourselves an off day, so to speak.

For me, the danger sign was that I was starting to look forward to home.  While I like home, don’t get me wrong, looking forward to getting home and relaxing while you’re on vacation is a sign that you’re pushing yourself too hard.

Today was the cure for that.

We slept in, caught a late brunch, then caught the Tube to Marble Arch, and wandered into Hyde Park.  We rented a couple of chairs and just relaxed.  Practically an hour, just soaking up the atmosphere.  It was serene, it was relaxing.

Then, we wandered around the park, stopping when we got to the lake.  To do otherwise would get us wet. There, we snagged some more chairs, wince our rental was food for two hours. We watched people feed the birds, watched people lounge, we watched people riding in paddle-boats… we people watched.

Eventually, we made our way around the lake, stopping to watch the birds along the way.

Before we knew it, it was 3:00, and we’d planned to be in Oxford by 4:30 to meet our friend and coworker Paul and his family at a pub.

So we hastily made our way to Paddington Station to catch the train to Oxford. We were a bit behind but made it to the Turf Tavern by 5-ish, where Paul and Jean were enjoying a beer.  Unless you’ve got a hard deadline, I don’t believe you can be late to a pub, since there’s good beer to be had by the people waiting .

After Paul’s family showed up, we made dinner plans, landed on visiting another Oxford pub for beer and dinner.  I can’t recall the name of the pub right now, but I do know it’s a White Horse pub.

Following dinner, Paul’s family went back to the hotel (no kids in pubs after 7), and Paul, Tisha, and I embarked on an Oxford pub crawl.

We first went to Far From the Maddening Crowd, then the Bookbinder (IIRC), and another whose name escapes me.  I’ll research this before publishing (or soon thereafter) and get the names straight.

By 10:00, it was time to head to the train station to catch the train back to London. It’s from the train that I write this update.

No pics today.  For some reason, I didn’t take any.

Two more days, the. We fly home!

Guess who is exhausted, again! What a full day.

After a quick breakfast at a local cafe (since we overslept and didn’t make the breakfast at the hotel), we made our way up north to the British Museum.

And that’s what we did today.

The end.

Well, okay, I’ll expand on that.

The British Museum is huge. Remember, folks, Britain has been around for a looooong time. And, once upon a time, it ruled over a quarter of the planet. In this time, treasures were accumulated from all over. Well, much of it ended up in this museum. It’s quite amazing!

First up, you’re greeted by the enormity of the great hall. This gigantic domed room is just amazing, with a glass roof that lets the light shine in and lets you watch birds relax on it. From there, we wandered into the Egyptian hall to see the one and only Rosetta stone. This giant pics of stone with a story printed in three languages (ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs, medieval Egyptian, and Greek) allowed scholars to finally decode the ancient hieroglyphs. And it was there, sitting in front of me, in a glass case. Just amazing. On top of that, we saw:

• The head and torso of a statue of Ramesses
• A fragment of the Sphinx’s beard
• Ancient sarcophogi

We moved on to the ancient Assyrian rooms to see many wall carvings, and then onto the Greek rooms to see so many ancient artifacts, including actual marble statures, friezes, and metopes from the Parthenon (as well as reading up on the controversy surrounding the acquisition of those pieces).

It was simply awe-inspiring to see things that old up close. To see the detail put into the sculptures, even the parts of them that nobody would see (as they’d have had their backs against a slab, high atop the structure). I’m really glad we went to see this.

The museum is simple huge. We spent over 4 hours there, and we saw but a fraction of the collection. It will definitely be something we visit again on another trip here.

Following the closing of the museum, we wandered to a nearby pub (The Princess Louise), then made our way south to check out some other pub recommendations, namely the Royal Oak (most excellent pub) and the Market Porter (great selection, huge crowds — see today’s pics).

We topped off the day with a middle-eastern meal near the pubs, then caught the tube back to the hotel. And now I’m beat.

Pics from today here.

Also days 12, 11, 10, and 9.

Once we got breakfast out of the way, it was on to our first stop of the day, the British Library. We only had a couple of hours there, so we played in their digital exhibit, The Sound and the Fury: The Power of Public Speaking, featuring audio clips of famous speeches you can listen to. Following that, we visited the Treasures, including:

• A possibly original Shakespeare manuscript
• An original manuscript of Alice in Wonderland
• Original copies of Magna Carta
• A Gutenberg Bible
• Original music transcripts from Mozart and Handel

It was quite fascinating, but our time was short, as we had a tour at the BBC at three. Well, that’s a lie. I was convinced that our tour was at three. It wasn’t. More on that later.

Making our way to the BBC via Tube, we needed to grab some lunch, so we hit a food court in the nearby Westfield London Mall — what a groovy mall! It was just opened in October, and it’s huge, ultra modern, and bears a striking resemblance to a cross between an Apple Store and the bridge of the Enterprise in the new Star Trek.

I took advantage of the fact that I was actually *ahead* of Newfoundland time (3.5 hours, to be exact), and got to call Mom to wish her a happy birthday in the morning (for her). I picked up a little pre-paid SIM for my unlocked iPhone in the train station this morning, and it worked like a champ. Now, I have a UK number, too.

We left the mall, duly arriving at the BBC at least five minutes before our tour at three, we sat and waited. And waited. And waited. At 3:20, Tisha asked me if I was sure it wasn’t at 3:30. Guess what. It was at 3:30.

We began the tour in the BBC news center. The newest building in the complex, it comprises seven floors, houses all of BBC News (Television, Radio, and Internet), and employs over 2000 people. After a brief overview of the news operations (for example, we learned BBC is the biggest news organization in terms of viewers, with CNN trailing behind), we made our way to the Television Factory, as it’s called. Here, we learned about the construction of the buildings (from a bird’s eye view, it resembles a question mark), interesting history tidbits (only three people have been allowed to drive in the center of the circular complex — the Queen, Jennifer Lopes — because she was being a cantankerous diva and time is money, and Jeremy Clarkson in a tiny car.

We saw a real working studio, Studio 6, which was being used to rehearse Mock the Week, and was home to many other shows, including Doctor Who in the Tom Baker days. In fact, we discovered our tour guide was Rosalind Lloyd, who starred in one of the Douglas Adams Doctor Who stories, The Pirate Planet. Very cool!

We visited a dressing room, heard some stories, played in an imaginary TV studio, and visited the BBC shop that’s not open to the public in general. The complex itself employs 8000 people! It’s got a W. H. Smith, a dry cleaner, a beauty salon… all inside the building for the employees.

A great and fun afternoon. By the time we were done about 90 minutes later, we made our way to Westminster to visit the Parliament. There was a bit of a wait, as this is the last week Parliament is in session, and a bunch of people were queued up to visit their MP on appointment. Once it started drizzling, they let those of us who just wanted to see the galleries to go in as well.

The process reminded me of my visit to the Canadian Parliament back in 2003. I have a lot of thoughts on that, but I’ll jot them down later when I’m not so tired.

We climbed many, many, many stairs and sat in the gallery overlooking the debate in the House of Commons, and then, after some time, went back downstairs, across the hall, up not as many stairs, and visited the gallery overlooking the House of Lords as they debated.

It was 9:00 by the time we left Westminster Palace (where the Houses are housed), and I was feeling the need for beer, so we hopped a cab up to Euston station to visit a recommended pub. Yes, we could have used the Tube since we were right there, but I hadn’t ridden a cab yet this visit, and I just love those London cabs.

We made our way to the Doric Arch and enjoyed a few pints and some crisps. At 10:30, we called it a day and made it back to the hotel. And, once again, I’m too tired to bother posting the pics from my phone, so it’ll happen sometime soon. On Thursday, I’ll be going to Oxford, and they have WiFi on the bus, so maybe then.

Nighty night.