This is going to be a rambling post -- I apologize in advance. It's been a weird few months. First up, this isn't some whine looking for attention or pity (attention whore that I freely admit I am), it's mostly an attempt to figure out what I need to do to find my motivation anew. Just trying to collect my thoughts, publicly for some reason. As hinted at in the title, I seem to have run out of steam. My motivational level has been on a steady downward slide since the Zanies graduation. Work's been a bear, for one. I have this thing I call a stress twitch. At particularly stressful times in my life, my right eyelid develops this annoying twitch -- it just starts vibrating like crazy at random points in the day. Sound annoying? Because it is, I can assure you. Well, ever since mid-December, it's been on with a vengeance. Every time I've been afflicted with that, it's been during a particularly stressful point in my life. I suspect that it's work, since that's really the only source of stress that I have these days. Everything else is going swimmingly. We'll see. Maybe after we get past some big projects, things will calm down. But the problem is that work is sapping my energy. I've got no desire to think or engage or be even the slightest bit creative by the time I get home. I can't write a thing these days, for one. This is part of the reason I've been so absent in posting on the blog lately. I just want to go home, unplug, and tune out. As much as I enjoy writing and being creative, it's not easy. It's a bit of a drain unless I'm in "the zone". Alas, "the zone" has been so far off my scope that I'm wondering if I've peaked. In any case, I'm trying to force the issue. My writing desire seems to be stagnating, but I think if I force myself into it, I'll find my muse and start churning it out again. So, that's what I've done. I've been listening to other comics (thank god for XM comedy and XM Laugh Attack), looking for seeds of ideas. I'll be clear, there's no way I'd ever steal material, but what I like to listen for are ideas for other jokes and stories that either the comic didn't fully explore or flesh out, or perhaps are simply tangential to what I'm hearing. And I've got some good ideas, which I'll work on. I went out and bought some gadgets to facilitate recording any performances I do, so I can go over them and refine the act, and also to compile them for others to watch should they be halfway decent. But I need to get into a regimen. I need to make myself write. And that's the tought bit. I've got lots of half-baked ideas and concepts, but I haven't taken the time to sit down and really milk them and turn them into the type of thing that's both me and, more importantly, funny. To be honest, I still haven't even really figured out what my direction is -- I know it's not what I did at my graduation, but it's close. I just want to be me up there and not some "schtick". The bit I did on stage was funny, if I do say so myself, but it's more of a strictly "I'm telling jokes" style performance, whereas what I'd rather be doing is something along the lines of saying funny things and being generally entertaining, but not simply telling jokes. Certainly the bit was more of the latter than the former -- but it's not quite all the way there yet. So I'm reworking that bit, pulling out the parts I'm particularly pleased with and turning them into something else. If I'm lucky, I'll get up and do an open mic or two in March. That's the current goal. We'll see.

Ever since my first Jailbreak and Unlock of my iPhone, I've remained locked at firmware 1.0.2. Today, I took the plunge, because it just got obscenely easy. iJailBreak is literally a one-click Jailbreak/Unlock. I fired up iTunes, upgraded my phone to 1.1.3 (no revirginizing required, hooray), then ran iJailBreak. 3 minutes later, I had a phone with the latest firmware, unlocked and up on T-Mobile. I'd no idea it got that easy. It's friggin' genius, I tells ya. Thanks, Arix and Ben. I've donated to the cause -- this is amazing.

This is long, but worth reading/watching. I can't say how angry this administration makes me. The outright lies are bad enough. That there's a large base of gullible people who lap it up is even worse. And, worst of all, is that nobody in the mainstream media except Olbermann seems to be calling them on it. January 20, 2009 cannot come soon enough.

Facebook. Connecting you with... complete freaks.

The image above comes from CNN's Election Center as of this morning. I'm just amused at it right now.

the Illinois primary is Tuesday, Feb 5. I won't be in Illinois on that day, so today I took my final opportunity to vote early. This was my first vote as a US Citizen. And it felt good. I wear my politics on my sleeve, and I'm a bleeding heart liberal. I'm proud of it. And I'll argue with anyone who isn't in the bizarre hopes I'll somehow make them see the error of their ways. But that's not what today's post is about. I voted my preference in the presidential primaries, of the candidates still running. Kucinich was my man, but he's dropped out of the race, which left me the choice between Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Mike Gravel. I like Gravel, but he's a bit looney and way too long a shot. That leaves Hillary and Obama. Well, I liked Bill Clinton as a president, but I don't like how the Clintons are campaigning right now. I also don't much like many of Hillary's policy ideas, and I find she's a Democrat version of Mitt Romney -- she'll say whatever it takes to win a vote, whether she means it or not. I know that's almost the very definition of a politician, but she takes it to an inspiring level. It's almost impressive. And then there's the name. If there's one candidate who can inspire the rabidly right into getting out and voting against someone, it's Hillary Clinton. A lot of people love her, but more people hate her. And I just don't think I can stomach another Republican administration. It just hurts too much. So, I'll quote Susan Sarandon, who summed it up very nicely:

There's absolutely no reason why a woman shouldn't be in that office, but I am not sure about this woman.

If you haven't guessed it, I voted for Obama. Hardly a meaningful gesture -- this is Illinois and there's no way he won't win here. But I like him. And of the candidates left, he's the closest to my ideals. But that's not what today's post is about. I'm in Illinois's third district. It's a Democratic district at the moment, and the incumbent is Dan Lipinski. And he's awful. He's basically Joe Lieberman as a congressman. And that's what today's post is about. Today, I voted to unseat an incumbent. I voted for Mark Pera, and I hope I was far from alone. I can't say how nice it would be to have a real Democrat represent me in this district. Unseat an incumbent! This congress has been horrible. They got in on a promise of standing up to the president, and have done anything but. They've let him rip apart the constitution. They've let him legislate by signing statement. They've let him "pocket veto" when he wasn't entitled to do so. And they've let him completely ruin this country -- its economy, its currency, its global standing. It's not enough that Bush is going. We need to remove those complicit in his plundering. I just wish I could have voted against Pelosi or Reid. So that's what today's post is about. Vote for change -- anything's got to be better than this.