Work's been stressing me out. Having trouble sleeping. I'm up, I'm having some Maudite, and I'm watching Seaquest DSV via my Netflix player. This is a good use of my time.

I can tolerate a certain amount of overly flower language, but there's one phrase that just needs to die. After numerous Customer Service interactions with various companies, I can say that the phrase "I do apologize" is perhaps one of the most annoying, empty, and meaningless things someone can say. It doesn't mean anything.  If you apologize, say "I apologize" or "I'm sorry".  But "I do apologize" is empty, meaningless, script-reading. I get fed up.  I have a personal policy of not yelling at phone reps -- they're rarely the problem I'm trying to solve, and in fact are usually the only ones who can help solve it.  A company's ridiculous policies are not their fault, and they shouldn't bear the brunt of it. But I just can't hear another customer service rep start a sentence with "I do apologize".  Last time this happened, I somewhat lost my cool, and said,

Stop apologizing and just fix it.  Saying "I do apologize" isn't making this situation better, because you haven't done anything you need to apologize for, and "I do apologize" isn't even an apology.

Stop telling me you do apologize, and either actually apologize or shut up. Hm, that's an angry post, so let's end with something that's been making me laugh. [caption id="attachment_372" align="alignnone" width="300" caption="I am a frog"] [/caption]

Marriott was nice enough to send me this note.  I've annotated it for submission to Failblog.

Please stop putting my food on *top* of the napkins. Love, Craig.

On Saturday night, we went to the Lakeshore Theater to catch Mike Birbiglia perform. As it turns out, he was rehearsing/previewing his new off-broadway show, Sleepwalk With Me. First up, I have to say that hands-down, Mike Birbiglia is one of my very favorite comics. He's got some killer bits that stand up extremely well to repeated tellings, many of which have become trademark catchphrases that really only a great comic who connects with his audiences can get (and, no, "Git-R-Done" doesn't count -- that's not a punchline, it's a tic). If you've ever heard someone say "Cracker, please!", "What I should have said was...", or flashed the gang sign for Paper Scissors, you've run into a fan of Birbiglia. And rightly so. Buy his CDs, listen, laugh. They're hilarious. [caption id="attachment_360" align="alignleft" width="209" caption="Birbiglia assumes the defensive pose"] [/caption] The one-man show we saw was simply an extension of that. It began quickly and unexpectedly, with Mike walking out on stage with no introduction just as the house lights came down, and he launched into his show. Borrowing only minimally from the established bits you'll hear on the CD, he weaves a true tale of his battle with relationships, being a struggling comic, and some of the strangest sleep disorders you'll ever hear about. And while it's occasionally touching, it is consistently funny. I've a personal peeve when I find comics-turned-monologists getting just a bit too maudlin in their acts, and Mike didn't even touch on that nerve. He takes you through the highs and the lows, with the absolute best reactions when the audience reacts with shock to something he said or did in the story, but he always brings you back with a smile. If you're here in Chicago, you're not likely to get a chance to see this again anytime soon (he performed it on 9/11/08 as well, a show I was supposed to go see until an emergency at work got in the way), but should you find yourself in New York, look it up and check it out. I promise you, it's worth it.