Finding Motivation
This is going to be a rambling post — I apologize in advance. It’s been a weird few months.
First up, this isn’t some whine looking for attention or pity (attention whore that I freely admit I am), it’s mostly an attempt to figure out what I need to do to find my motivation anew. Just trying to collect my thoughts, publicly for some reason.
As hinted at in the title, I seem to have run out of steam. My motivational level has been on a steady downward slide since the Zanies graduation. Work’s been a bear, for one. I have this thing I call a stress twitch. At particularly stressful times in my life, my right eyelid develops this annoying twitch — it just starts vibrating like crazy at random points in the day. Sound annoying? Because it is, I can assure you. Well, ever since mid-December, it’s been on with a vengeance. Every time I’ve been afflicted with that, it’s been during a particularly stressful point in my life. I suspect that it’s work, since that’s really the only source of stress that I have these days. Everything else is going swimmingly. We’ll see. Maybe after we get past some big projects, things will calm down.
But the problem is that work is sapping my energy. I’ve got no desire to think or engage or be even the slightest bit creative by the time I get home. I can’t write a thing these days, for one. This is part of the reason I’ve been so absent in posting on the blog lately. I just want to go home, unplug, and tune out. As much as I enjoy writing and being creative, it’s not easy. It’s a bit of a drain unless I’m in “the zone”. Alas, “the zone” has been so far off my scope that I’m wondering if I’ve peaked.
In any case, I’m trying to force the issue. My writing desire seems to be stagnating, but I think if I force myself into it, I’ll find my muse and start churning it out again. So, that’s what I’ve done. I’ve been listening to other comics (thank god for XM comedy and XM Laugh Attack), looking for seeds of ideas. I’ll be clear, there’s no way I’d ever steal material, but what I like to listen for are ideas for other jokes and stories that either the comic didn’t fully explore or flesh out, or perhaps are simply tangential to what I’m hearing. And I’ve got some good ideas, which I’ll work on. I went out and bought some gadgets to facilitate recording any performances I do, so I can go over them and refine the act, and also to compile them for others to watch should they be halfway decent.
But I need to get into a regimen. I need to make myself write. And that’s the tought bit. I’ve got lots of half-baked ideas and concepts, but I haven’t taken the time to sit down and really milk them and turn them into the type of thing that’s both me and, more importantly, funny. To be honest, I still haven’t even really figured out what my direction is — I know it’s not what I did at my graduation, but it’s close. I just want to be me up there and not some “schtick”. The bit I did on stage was funny, if I do say so myself, but it’s more of a strictly “I’m telling jokes” style performance, whereas what I’d rather be doing is something along the lines of saying funny things and being generally entertaining, but not simply telling jokes. Certainly the bit was more of the latter than the former — but it’s not quite all the way there yet.
So I’m reworking that bit, pulling out the parts I’m particularly pleased with and turning them into something else. If I’m lucky, I’ll get up and do an open mic or two in March. That’s the current goal.
We’ll see.
