Check out Net Authority. Perhaps you, too, can aspire to be a heathen like me.

My favorites:

 

Example #1: Baby Photos Website. Everybody loves looking at babies! A baby photo website with pictures of babies from all over the world would be a wonderful attraction. There is, however, a common misconception that portraying infants in the nude is an acceptable practice, since the genitalia is not yet well-formed enough to be considered profane. This is far from the case! You and I may not get impure thoughts from looking at innocent babies, but there are perverts out there who do! By providing pictures of babies at all, and especially in the nude, this fictional website would only be fueling these perverts’ desires and making society a more dangerous place to live in. This website should certainly be added to our database as a pornography offender.

Example #2: Children’s Dinosaur Stories. You might think that a site that contains stories about dinosaurs for children would be innocent—but let’s stop and think about that for a moment. If you read the bible (you should, it’s great!) you know that dinosaurs never actually existed, and that God put those fossils and bones there to test our faith in Him. While the stories themselves may not contain any offensive material, the simple fact that they are about dinosaurs may cause a child to question his faith in the one true God. By blaspheming, this site is in violation of the Internet Acceptable Use Policy and should be added to our database.

Example #3: Family Farm Website. A personal website detailing one’s adventures on the family farm sounds like a lot of fun! Especially if there are photos of the farm animals and equipment. Such a website would be very entertaining to old and young minds alike! But imagine that some of the photos of animals included the animal genitalia in plain sight. This is hardly something that young children should be looking at, and especially not to be associated with the joy of viewing a fun website. By associating a feeling of joy with animal genitalia, this website would be an extreme danger to children and should definitely be added to the Net Authority database as a bestiality offender.

Be sure to be honest and submit yourself for judgment!