Robot Monkey Pants

We learn the tough lesson - Trois Pistoles, scotch, and Jägermeister on an empty stomach is not a good idea.

I’ve had a single tap kegerator for some time now. I really like it, but I was finding myself wanting to have more of a variety on tap. That, combined with the fact that I love Trois Pistoles and can actually get it on tap, inspired me to build a second fridge. Read the story here. Here’s what the finished product looks like.

I hadn’t realized how long it had been seen I sucked pictures off my little Point ‘N’ Shoot.

A random selection of those has been sent to Flickr.   Enjoy.

For those who like beer, Admiral Sasquatch is now living and breathing.

It’s my spot on the web to post about all things beer.  Reviews, thoughts, history, etc.  There’s a glut of these things out there, I know, but I want to see if I’m as passionate about beer as I think I am.

This will be a pretty good test, I’m thinking.

I’m totally capable of geeking out about things. Hell, I just got back from Lebowski Fest. As a grown man, I’ll even geek out about “kids’ stuff”, but only when it’s stuff from my childhood. So I can geek out about Star Wars. I can geek out about Lord of the Rings. And I can geek out about superhero movies like Spider-Man or X Men. They’re a part of my childhood, and nostalgia is a powerful force.

However, I’m proud to say that I’m blissfully ignorant about Harry Potter. I’ve never read one of the books, and I’ve never seen one of the movies.

Why is that?

Because it’s a children’s book series, and (this is the important part here, pay close attention) I’m not a child.

I’d no sooner pick up a copy of Harry Potter and the Marketing Vehicle I Wish I’d Thought Of, than I would a Babysitter’s Club or the latest Elmo story, as enchanting as I’m sure they are. If you’ve got kids, and you read them because your kids are into them, at least you have an excuse.

But I just don’t get the grown-up fascination with this book series. And the main reason is that I can’t imagine how a book targeted at children would be at all relevant to me and my sensibilities. I’m not trying to be mean, I’m not trying to make fun of people, but a little bit of me dies whenever I hear an adult refer to someone as a “muggle”. And when I read stories of adults standing in line to get the book, or being indignant at the thought that the NYT doesn’t count children’s books in their best seller list *, I’m flummoxed.

When someone asks me if I’ve read the books, I’m not sure what to say. I’m 36 years old! Of course I haven’t read it. I’ve never assumed that the adults around me are up to speed on That’s So Raven or Clarissa Explains it All — why on earth should this be any different?

I don’t know the answer, of course.

But I happily remain blissfully ignorant of Harry Potter. And I’m pretty happy the last book is out. Now we just need to sit through a few more movies and it’ll be done. Until then, I’ll be curmudgeonly about this topic about every 1.5 years. You’ve been warned.

* Seriously — if you’re going to be pissed at the NYT about something, have it be their parroting of the Bush administration’s justifications for war with Iraq (and soon, Iran), without ever holding them accountable. Priorities, people — they’re not just for breakfast anymore.

One of those bizarre late-night browsing sessions led me to, of all things, a write-up of a social event I’d attended (hell, I arranged it) from over 18 years ago. Reading it was surreal. I was transported back to a time when everything was yet to occur — when I’d had no idea of the life that was to come. Before ruined friendships and the burden of actually living a life; when the most important thing in the world then is something you’d find absolutely inconsequential today.

It was weird — and bittersweet.

I felt, for a second, like that 18 year old. That doesn’t happen to me very often, getting lost in a nostalgia like that. It was really nice, but the crash afterwards of all the things that have happened since then — that it’s now a completely different person looking back on that… it was sobering.

Ah well, it was fun. Cheers, my friends from 1989! May we always have that much fun before life gets in the way.

I wrote an article, posted to thisisby.us. I’ve been posting stuff over there that I also submit to reddit, in an attempt to not bomb my site with traffic. Feel free to read and comment (there or here).

And, hey, thanks for reading this tripe that I pump out — really, it warms my heart.

Check out Net Authority. Perhaps you, too, can aspire to be a heathen like me.

My favorites:

 

Example #1: Baby Photos Website. Everybody loves looking at babies! A baby photo website with pictures of babies from all over the world would be a wonderful attraction. There is, however, a common misconception that portraying infants in the nude is an acceptable practice, since the genitalia is not yet well-formed enough to be considered profane. This is far from the case! You and I may not get impure thoughts from looking at innocent babies, but there are perverts out there who do! By providing pictures of babies at all, and especially in the nude, this fictional website would only be fueling these perverts’ desires and making society a more dangerous place to live in. This website should certainly be added to our database as a pornography offender.

Example #2: Children’s Dinosaur Stories. You might think that a site that contains stories about dinosaurs for children would be innocent—but let’s stop and think about that for a moment. If you read the bible (you should, it’s great!) you know that dinosaurs never actually existed, and that God put those fossils and bones there to test our faith in Him. While the stories themselves may not contain any offensive material, the simple fact that they are about dinosaurs may cause a child to question his faith in the one true God. By blaspheming, this site is in violation of the Internet Acceptable Use Policy and should be added to our database.

Example #3: Family Farm Website. A personal website detailing one’s adventures on the family farm sounds like a lot of fun! Especially if there are photos of the farm animals and equipment. Such a website would be very entertaining to old and young minds alike! But imagine that some of the photos of animals included the animal genitalia in plain sight. This is hardly something that young children should be looking at, and especially not to be associated with the joy of viewing a fun website. By associating a feeling of joy with animal genitalia, this website would be an extreme danger to children and should definitely be added to the Net Authority database as a bestiality offender.

Be sure to be honest and submit yourself for judgment!

Obviously, I’ve never voted in a presidential election before. I’ve been in the US for 3 presidential elections, however. The first, 1996, when very much the way I wanted it to go. The second two didn’t have the person I favored winding up in the White House, but as I read through this excellent commentary by Keith Olbermann, I’m inspired to point out some things.

The man who is ruining this country, in the course of two elections, received 112,500,720 votes. 112,500,720 ballots were registered as declaring this man as their president. Over the course of those elections, 115,210,303 ballots were cast for someone else. Over the course of two elections, this man with the sweeping mandate to wage an unprovoked and unpopular war, to send to their death over 3,000 American soldiers, to cause the death of thousands upon thousands of Iraqi citizens, and to possibly irreparably damage the country’s reputation — was outvoted by 2,709,583 ballots.

Something needs to be fixed here. Clinton beat Bush in ‘92 by almost 5 million ballots alone. In ‘96 he won by almost 8 million over Dole. Even adding in his popular vote ballot victory in 2004, this man still has received less votes for him over two elections than against him.

It’s my firm belief that George W. Bush will go down in history as the worst president of his lifetime, if not ever. As a lame duck, I fear what he’ll bring to this country over the next year. And I shudder to think what the result would be should any of his wannabe successors on the GOP ticket take the office following him.

Giuliani is an authoritarian despot whose only “strength” seems to be that he happened to be mayor of New York during the September 11th attacks, and seems to have profited tremendously from that. Mitt Romney seems to think we ought to “double Guantanamo”, whatever that means — Guantanamo isn’t overcrowded so he apparently thinks we need to detain even more people without trial or representation.

We’ve got a Supreme Court that claims to uphold the constitution but is undermining it with every opportunity it can get. We’ve got a unitary executive that rewrites laws it doesn’t like, disregards others, and isn’t terribly concerned with court rulings. And we’ve got a congress that despite clear evidence to the contrary, seems to think the American public doesn’t want this president impeached.

Sigh. I’ve got myself worked up now. I’m going to stop. Just, please, if you’re fed up like I am, do something about it. Let your representative know you support getting this criminal and incompetent executive branch ousted. Now.

This Onion article pretty much sums up how I feel about the state of the American public today.

Sad, really.